Misinterpretations
by D-chan
Summary: Gensomaden Saiyuki/Sailormoon :: various 'pairings' :: It's your typical crossover, of course. Bring four hot guys from ancient China to modern Tokyo, and you get romance... right? Well, that's what Pluto assumes, anyway...
1. Part 1

**:: Misinterpretations ::**

_Gensomaden__ Saiyuki/Sailormoon_

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon, which rightfully belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. Nor do I own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: none-- and if there are to be any, they're likely to be shounen ai; the crossover pairings, if there are any, will be for sheer humor

Warnings: language, bad monks, strange humor, purposeful OOCness, not to be taken entirely seriously

Notes: Dear God, what am I getting myself into? I have yet another crossover for this fandom.

Beware, because this is intended for humorous purposes rather than the usual romance or character introspection that I usually write. I don't write humor often, though on the rare occasion I do I've been told it was actually funny. Well. We'll see.

This is yet another fic I'm writing in retaliation. That's right, it's the fandom's fault that I thought up this evil little plot bunny—if it can even be called that. This is an evil hell incarnate we have here. I didn't plan on it being multi-chaptered, but when I got to the fourth page and realized that I had yet to get to the fun part, I figured that I could make this into a short multi-chaptered fic.

I supposed that, in a way, this is replacing the Revengefic. I'm still a bit bitter about it being deleted (and flattered that so many people keep asking me for a copy of it—I'm sorry, but I don't have any, and I regret not saving extra files) and I'm _especially_ bitter about how far downhill this fandom has gone. Maybe the quality wasn't wonderful when I first joined, but it sure as hell was ten times better than 90% of what's being posted now.

*sigh* Long rant again. I'm sorry. In any case, have fun reading. Even if you haven't seen Saiyuki, I'd ask you to read this, simply because I have a feeling this is one anime that _should_ appeal to more people than it has.

Also, the first person that asks me to pair Goku or Sanzo with anyone but each other deserves a metaphorical fist to the jaw… or at least to suffer the wrath of Sanzo's _harisen…_

It was a perfectly typical setting. It was around midday; the sun was out, high in the sky and burning at its fiercest. Deserted land was the surrounding. Some vegetation sprouted here and there, but overall it was barren. Minus the four travelers, of course, who saw this sort of thing every day. Nothing was different from the usual; the two "children" in the back seat of the jeep were arguing, exchanging the same old insults. The driver just smiled; whether he was simply used to the noise or he was blocking it out was unclear even to his companions. The final traveler was staring straight ahead, his mouth a thin line and a vein twitching on his face as he refrained from beating on his companions. It was a useless fight; all four travelers knew he would give in eventually.

Yes, it was a perfectly typical setting, with perfectly typical travelers on a perfectly typical day.

"What the hell did you say, you stupid monkey?!"

A loud, almost animal growl was met with the insult. "Stop calling me a monkey, you perverted water sprite!"

The jeep rocked dangerously as the smaller of the two bickering boys leapt to the other side. Quick hands barely came up to catch the brown-haired boy's wrists in time; golden eyes locked with slanted red, both glaring in challenge; a test of wills.

"Now, now," the driver said calmly, not once taking his eyes off the road. "Don't start a fight. You'll hurt Hakuryuu." A small squeal met this statement which, oddly enough, seemed to come from the jeep. The driver smiled and patted the dashboard gently as though in comfort.

"OW! Don't bite me!"

"Get your hands off me then, you pervert!"

"_Excuse_ me! I only go for girls; I wouldn't think twice about touching--!"

"You--!"

The fourth companion twitched visibly. Without warning he spun around and whacked the two arguing boys in the back with what seemed to be a large paper fan. Both yelped in pain as he snarled, "Shut the hell up! Annoying brats!"

The youngest of the travelers cringed, but a sullen look had seeped into his golden eyes. "But Sanzo," he whined, apparently ready to defend himself.

He didn't get the chance. The one addressed as Sanzo twitched and delivered a couple more sharp whacks with the fan. "Shut up and sit down!" For good measure he smacked the snickering redhead.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" the half-demon demanded hotly.

"For breathing," Sanzo snapped, settling back down into his seat, his arms folded over his chest. The paper fan he had wielded seemed to have disappeared into thin air. Now it was quiet in the backseat, though everyone knew it wouldn't last for long.

A perfectly normal day in the life of the Sanzo party.

"Hakkai," the youngest finally asked, leaning forward to hear the driver easier. "How much longer until the next town?"

Hakkai considered this question seriously, smiling faintly even in thought. "I'm guessing we'll be there in time to secure beds before nightfall, Goku."

The smaller brunette pouted. "But I'm hungry," he whined pathetically. To his left, Sanzo's left eyebrow visibly twitched; he closed his eyes as though the boy would shut up if he couldn't see him.

"One-trick monkey," the redhead in back muttered. Goku scowled; Sanzo snarled beneath his breath, and at the same time Hakkai said with an edge of warning, "Gojyo..."

Gojyo wisely shut up.

For a brief few minutes it looked as though the trip would go on, for the most part, in silence. All four boys would later feel that such a false sense of security should not have been accepted so easily.

It started with a small bump in the road. Only mildly alarmed, Hakkai moved to steer the jeep slightly to the right, but then a bright flash happened to appear right before them. Goku yelped; Gojyo swore; Sanzo's violet eyes widened in mild surprise; Hakkai simply cried, "Hakuryuu!" and a moment later all four young men found themselves on the dusty ground, none too happy about being dumped so suddenly. The jeep was gone, but a small white dragon emitted a little squeal and flew to Hakkai's aid.

"I thought I'd find you here."

Sanzo got to his feet, unperturbed by the strange woman's presence. His companions, however, showed a bit more surprise as they joined him.

"Who're you?" asked Goku, giving her a quizzical look as he locked his hands behind his head.

The young woman stood regally before them. She looked to be in her early twenties, with long, dark hair, dark green eyes, clothed in what looked to be a woman's bathing suit with a short green skirt, and a long silver staff in the shape of a large key was grasped in her left hand. Gojyo in particular was eyeing her carefully.

She made a slight bow. "My name is Setsuna, or Sailor Pluto. I am the Guardian of Time, and I've come to ask for your help."

If she expected more questions, or an immediate offer to help with whatever it was, she was sorely disappointed.

"Rejected," said Sanzo flatly.

"Not interested," Goku put in helpfully, grinning.

"Sorry," Hakkai apologized, smiling so kindly it was hard to tell if he was being sincere or not.

Gojyo just nodded, still eyeing her with mild interest. But he didn't give her a second glance when Sanzo walked past her; all three demons followed.

Setsuna blinked, dumbfounded, before she turned to face them. "Wait," she snapped. Sanzo sighed in annoyance, turning to glare at her from beneath gold bangs. She glared back. "You haven't even given me a chance to explain!"

"I fight only for myself," Sanzo said, unruffled by her anger.

"I'm afraid all of us follow that little rule," Hakkai said cheerfully.

The Guardian of Time growled. "But it's important! I need you to come to my world right now!" She looked ready to launch into a great speech. "The monsters there are becoming overwhelming as time goes by, and sometimes it even surprises me! I've come seeking for help because our fighters can't do it alone--"

"Sanzo," Goku whined, tugging on the priest's robes and clearly ignoring the woman. "I'm hungry..."

"Get off," Sanzo snapped.

"Are you _listening_?!" Pluto demanded.

"Oh, quit whining," Gojyo said, thumping Goku lightly on the head with his knuckles. Goku, insulted, slapped the water sprite's hand away and shot a few vehement words at him. Sanzo's hand appeared to be twitching, and Hakkai simply said, "Now, now..."

The Guardian of Time felt her face redden as irritation swelled up. Really, what was with the lack of cooperation? She'd brought over _several_ boys to their time before -- sometimes even defying the laws of her position and crossing dimensions -- and all had been more than happy to help. If nothing else, they had at least reluctantly agreed!

It seemed there was only one way to get their attention. Pluto straightened, tapping her key gently against the ground. "I ask you this favor with urgings from the Merciful Goddess."

That did it. The group fell silent at those words, seeming to consider them carefully. Sanzo eyed her skeptically. "Is that so?"

"That's right," she said calmly, lying through her teeth. Pluto was as old as time; she could master the art of lying or simply skirting around the truth without appearing false. A senshi lived for truth and justice, yes, but this was urgent. "And I need all four of you to come with me right away."

Goku made a small noise, looking to his companions for help. Gojyo just shrugged. Hakkai considered her words before saying, "I believe that we should do the Merciful Goddess' biddings one task at a time."

"That's right," Gojyo agreed. "Otherwise we'll be sidetracked even more than we already are."

Pluto growled beneath her breath as Sanzo nodded curtly in agreement. Only when his back was to her and the group began to walk away again did she lose her temper.

"Then you leave me no choice," the Guardian of Time said dramatically. With a large sweep of her staff, she murmured something beneath her breath and pointed the large key at the small group in an overly dramatic movement. There was another bright flash, and when she opened her eyes again she was at the Time Gates, this time accompanied by four young men.

Before she could blink a second time there was a click. She found herself facing the barrel of a Smith and Wesson, obscuring piercing violet eyes.

"What. The. Hell. Did. You. Do?" Sanzo ground out furiously, his finger ready to pull the trigger.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Setsuna warned him. "Without me you can't possibly return to your own time."

"She may have a point," Hakkai sighed. "Let's think this over for a minute, Sanzo."

Still glaring with eyes that promised a painful death, Sanzo lowered the gun.

"Now," Hakkai said, his voice still smooth and pleasant. "What exactly did you want from us, Miss Pluto?"

"Modern Tokyo is in danger," she explained coolly. "I need you four to go down and meet the Sailor Senshi and help them defeat this evil menace."

"And if we refuse?" Goku asked.

Pluto smiled; it was so eerily similar to Hakkai's that it unnerved the poor demon. "Then I may accidentally send you to the wrong time on your way back."

Sanzo narrowed his eyes until they were almost nothing but white and violet slits. "You just want us to go there?"

"That's right."

"How long would this take?"

Pluto fought a grin; finally, he was beginning to see it her way! "I'd imagine anywhere from a couple hours to a day or so. Then you may go back to your own time, if you wish."

"Whoa, wait," Gojyo cut in, frowning. "What do you mean by, 'if you wish'?"

"Fine. We'll go down."

Sanzo's answer came before Pluto's, and his curt agreement took her off guard for a moment. Then she smiled, though inwardly she was dancing and cackling like a gleeful five year old on a pocky high. "I'm glad you see it my way."

"But Sanzo," Goku protested.

"Wait a minute, you bastard, what do you mean _we_?" Gojyo snarled, advancing on the blond monk. "You can't just decide for the rest of us!"

Without even blinking, Sanzo had the gun pressed to Gojyo's face. "Wanna die?" he asked calmly.

"Now, now..."

"Sanzo!"

Pluto decided to take advantage of their distraction; she couldn't risk having them back out at the last second, after all! Never mind that two of the young men were violently against it; the priest seemed to be the leader of the group (though she would have listened to the first person that agreed with her anyway).

She murmured a few words as she performed yet another fancy staff wave. Among these choice incantations were _love, sacrifice, modern Tokyo, bishounen, trauma_ and _random false guilt_.

Sanzo didn't remove the gun from Gojyo's face even when he felt a strange tingling sensation that wasn't entirely comfortable. He bit back a sigh, dreading what was to come. He hadn't a clue exactly what it would be, but if the warriors they were going to meet were just as loony as the last woman then he believed he had good reason to worry.

After all, one could only sacrifice his sanity so many times.


	2. Part 2

**:: Misinterpretations ::**

_Gensomaden__ Saiyuki/Sailormoon_

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon, which rightfully belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. Nor do I own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: PG

Pairings: Gojyo+Makoto, Minako+Hakkai (HUMOR pairings, thank you)

Warnings: language, bad monks, strange humor, purposeful OOCness, not to be taken entirely seriously

Notes: Chapter two. This is where it starts to get _really_ weird.

Let me clear something up for the readers, because a disturbing amount of you don't seem to realize that this fic is a _HUMOROUS PARODY of other SMcrossover fics. This is _not_ a Pluto fic (haven't you noticed that she was the most OOC character introduced so far?) and her OOCness is _fully intended_. If you people would have some patience, you'll find out why. I've always found that __good stories have some foreshadowing and reveal all the important plot points later on (not that this has an intriguing plot)._

Of course, a lot of people here don't even know how to write their own language, so why the hell am I bothering to explain something as complicated as foreshadowing? *sigh*

Then again, four out of five of the first reviewers didn't act like they'd even _read the author's notes. They _are_ here for a purpose, you know._

All Sailormoon OOCness is intended. By the end of the fic, only the Sanzo-ikkou will have stayed in character.

If you've read the author's notes and actually understand what I was trying to say, then please sit back and enjoy more of the parody.

For the Japanese Illiterate: _youma__ is what the Sailor Senshi call their monster foes; _bakazaru_ is what Sanzo (and sometimes Gojyo) often uses to call Goku "stupid monkey"_

All that lit the room was a brightly burning fire. The flames danced in the air, crackling as they ate away at the wood beneath them. But this fire was a bit unusual; strange faces and noises could be seen and heard from it. None of the room's occupants were too surprised. After all, this was a sacred fire, and the priestess was simply looking into it for answers.

Rei Hino's head was bowed; dark strands of ebony fell around her, creating a curtain. Her violet eyes were only half open, her lips moving fast in a wordless prayer. Occasionally she would open her eyes all the way and stare at the fire. Sometimes she would smile, and other times she would frown and look worried.

Four girls sat quietly behind her. Well... three of the four were sitting quietly. One would shift and squirm every so often, but she knew better by now than to whine aloud. All girls were very pretty, like the priestess, though in different ways. Ami Mizuno was lovely in a shy, quiet way. Her hair was coloured deep blue, the very same shade as her slightly down turned eyes. Her expression was one of calm patience, though the slight stitch of her eyebrows gave away her worry.

Beside her was a petite blonde girl. Her hairstyle was a bit unusual, tied up in a bun on either side of her head with long streamers curling on the floor. Her eyes were also blue, but brighter and less down turned, giving her a more carefree and happy air than her blue-haired friend. Her name was Usagi Tsukino.

Beside _her_ was a brunette named Makoto Kino. She was taller than all of the other girls and (some might say) blessed with more curves than any of the others. Her hair was pulled into a high ponytail, with strands of brown curling beside her ears, which were pierced with a cute pair of rose earrings. Her eyes were forest green, and they held a glint of determination and strength that the others seemed to lack.

The final girl was also blonde, and also blue-eyed. Her hair was long, nearly reaching the floor, and only the sideburns were pulled back with a large orange bow. Her eyes would shift occasionally around the room, though she wasn't anywhere near as restless as Usagi. She was Minako Aino.

Rei suddenly turned away from the fire. Her expression was relaxed, almost automatically putting the other girls at ease.

"Well," she said. "It seems like the random _youma_ attacks aren't to be worried about too much. They're fairly weak monsters, and there doesn't seem to be a strong force behind them. If there is, they're reluctant to show themselves so soon, so we should be fine for now."

"That's a relief," Usagi sighed, unfolding her legs from beneath her to sit in a more comfortable position.

"However..."

Ami was instantly alert. "However?" she repeated.

Rei sighed. "However, there were human shapes in that fire. Someone's coming... and I can't figure out why. It seems to be at complete random, and they don't seem to pose a huge threat..."

"Random?" Makoto repeated.

"Yes," Rei said thoughtfully. "Strange, isn't it...?"

Silence fell over the small group. They seemed to be contemplating this strange idea... well, three of them were. Usagi simply had her head tilted back toward the ceiling, a bored expression on her face. If they were no immediate threat, why worry?

"I wonder if they were guys?" Minako murmured softly to their blonde leader.

Usagi grinned at her. "If so, I hope they're cute." Minako giggled.

"Oh, honestly," Ami sighed, shaking her head. However, the tiny smile on her lips gave away her lack of exasperation.

A loud, resounding _crash!_ startled the unlikely warriors. They scrambled to their feet, sharing panicked looks.

"A _youma_? Already?" Rei muttered in disbelief, fleeing the room. The other four followed instantly afterwards. Though Rei had a head start, it was Makoto that reached the area that the noise had come from. All five girls gaped in disbelief at the sight before them.

Four young men were lying in a tangled pile a ways across the entrance to the Hino shrine. It seemed that they had fallen -- from what, only God knew -- from a high place and came crashing down on one of the rain roofs protruding from a charm stand. A vein twitched to life in Rei's forehead.

She opened her mouth, likely to ask what they thought they were doing, but there was a violet kick from one of the young men and they suddenly separated. The smallest skidded a couple feet, yelping in pain, and a mere second later a large fan came crashing down on his head.

"_BAKAZARU!_"

"Ow!"

Rei stared in complete disbelief. A blonde man was towering over the sullen brunette. The boy that had been insulted was rubbing the back of his head, giving the older man's large paper fan a weary look. Two more loud thwacks resounded, and the blonde man was shouting again.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, landing on me like that? Stupid!"

"I'm not the one that agreed to let that crazy woman drop us down here! I-- ow!"

"Shut the hell up!"

Ami's eyes were wide, one hand hovering near her mouth. "What in the world...?"

"He's going to hurt that poor kid..."

Minako had a rather silly smile on her face. When she began to giggle, the other four looked at her. "What's wrong?" Usagi asked.

"Nothing," she whispered, still giggling. "But the two guys behind those two are _really_ cute..."

There were, indeed, two more young men. They couldn't have been any older than the blonde man; one had dark brown hair combed so that the bangs covered his left eye. He was smiling, a disturbingly happy but very charming smile that told the girls that this sort of thing seemed to happen every day. His lips were moving, but his voice was soft because none of the girls would hear a word he was saying.

The other man had one arm resting on the brunette's shoulder, a satisfied grin on his face as he watched the boy and blonde man argue. His hair was surprisingly long and bright red.

He was the first to notice the other girls. Once he saw them, he dropped his arm from his companion's shoulder, putting his hands into his pockets as he observed the girls. After a few brief moments of observing them, his eyes came to rest on Makoto. He gave a short wave.

Makoto felt her face heat slightly.

"Ohh," Minako sighed wistfully. "He likes you, Mako-chan..."

"What? No..."

"Hey," the redhead said loudly, causing the arguing pair to cease their actions. "Looks like we have company."

"Eh?" The smallest of the men got to his feet. He was a good head or so shorter than the man that had been whacking him mercilessly; he appeared to be about fourteen.

Without warning, Rei suddenly stormed forward. "Hey," she said brusquely. "Just what do you think you're doing? Look what you did to the temple!"

The smiling brunette took a step forward. "I'm sorry," he said gently. "We had no idea that we would land so... ungracefully."

The blonde man snorted.

"Where did you come from?" Ami asked with equal politeness.

"Well, that all depends..."

Rei's eyes narrowed. That was only the most suspicious thing the man could have said. If he was going to lie, the least he could do was come up with an alibi!

And though this particular man was very kind, she felt a disturbing aura from him, similar to that of a _youma_... and yet, different at the same time. Something was _off_ about him, but it didn't exactly equal evil. The redhead carried a similar aura, and the boy's was a great deal stronger than either of theirs. Only the blonde didn't seem to radiate such strangeness.

But likely, that was because he felt a lot different.

"Ah! How impolite of us," the man said suddenly, still smiling. "My name is Hakkai."

"Gojyo," the redhead said, still eyeing Makoto with interest.

"I'm Goku," the youngest boy said, but he didn't seem interested in the introductions, because before anyone could say anything else he was asking, "D'you have any food around here? I'm _starving_..."

"It _is_ lunchtime, isn't it?" Usagi said suddenly, turning to the black-haired priestess. "Rei-chan," she pleaded, and the very time Goku whined, "Sanzo!"

Rei looked up sharply, just in time to see Sanzo growl, "You're irritating!" His hand twitched at his side, as though he wanted to pull out the large fan again-- which seemed to have disappeared once he was done whacking the boy over the head with it earlier.

"Sanzo?" she repeated.

Usagi blinked. "Sanzo? Is he important?"

The four men looked mildly startled, as though taken aback by the question. Rei sighed, while Ami gave a half strained, half amused smile.

"_Idiot_," Rei sighed in annoyance, causing her best friend to pout a little. "The name Sanzo was very famous in ancient China. There's one especially popular legend of a monk named Genjo Sanzo and his journey west with three other companions..." Her voice trailed off, and she stared long and hard at the men before her.

_Three companions, one half water sprite, one human-turned-demon, and one not exactly a demon but with demonic powers, borne from the earth... impossible..._ she thought, her violet eyes staring straight at the blonde man entitled Sanzo. _It's an ancient legend, and unless they have a way to jump across time..._

But he was dressed exactly like a high-ranking monk. His robes were cream-coloured, nearly white, and a crimson _chakra_ was marked on the middle of his forehead... and what seemed to be a holy scripture was draped around his shoulder, very much like a vest.

A holy scripture that only a Sanzo would wear so openly...

"Are you _really_ Genjo Sanzo?" she asked.

"Oh, God, not another one," Sanzo muttered, bringing a hand to his face as he twitched visibly.

"No," Rei decided aloud, frowning. "You can't be. A monk wouldn't take any god's name in vain..." She suddenly darted forward, grasping the sleeve of his robe.

Sanzo shook her off. "What the hell?!"

"Are you wearing _leather_ under that?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes," Sanzo snapped.

"Aren't you a monk?!"

Sanzo scowled. "Yes."

"What kind of monk _are_ you?"

Gojyo chuckled to her right. "Well," he drawled, "the kind that eats meat, drinks, smokes, abuses people, swears, kills, carries a gun..."

"My, you certainly are a bad monk, aren't you, _Sanzo-sama_?" Hakkai said teasingly.

"I'll kill you all," was Sanzo's deadpan reply.

"You're pretty cute for your age," Gojyo was saying to Makoto, flattering her mercilessly. "How old are you? Eighteen?"

She blushed brightly, but was grinning and managed to talk easily. "Fifteen, actually..."

"Really?"

"Time gates?" Ami was saying, looking thoughtful. "Sounds like Pluto..."

"That was one name she gave us," Hakkai replied, still smiling. Minako simply hung near him, her gaze dreamy.

Usagi sighed, placing one hand on her stomach. "I can't believe it's past lunch..."

"I'm _hungry_," Goku grumbled, yelping as Sanzo's fan made a cameo appearance to whack him on the head.

"Don't do that," Usagi cried, suddenly grasping Goku's wrist. "Come on, I know where we can get some food!"

"Okay," he agreed, seeming happy to follow however would feed him.

Sanzo scowled. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into," he said flatly. "You'll lose all your stock feeding him."

"Like anyone could eat more than Usagi," Rei scoffed as their two companions left them behind, likely to raid the priestess' fridge.

"Care to bet on that?" Sanzo said, smirking.

"I won't lose!"

"I _never_ lose..."


	3. Part 3

**:: Misinterpretations ::**

_Gensomaden__ Saiyuki/Sailormoon_

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon, which rightfully belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. Nor do I own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: PG

Pairings: Usagi+Sanzo, Rei+Sanzo

Warnings: language, bad monks, strange humor, purposeful OOCness, not to be taken entirely seriously

Notes: Some of you reviewers are really starting to worry me, so I'll be addressing specific people occasionally.

BloodyVixen: I said that only the Sanzo-ikkou would be In Character by the end of the fic. Patience, please. Sarcasm? What sarcasm? There was no sarcasm in my notes. More like exasperation, annoyance, and deadpan comments.

AnimaeChina: Thank you; I'll have that error fixed. As far as pairings go, you'll just have to see, but just remember that any crossover pairings are for humor's sake… please.

Sadie Joyce: … it's not a "Pluto Piece." It's a parody. Meaning that Pluto was vastly OOC. Has the fandom degraded so much that her actions in the first chapter are actually regarded as normal? Honestly…

O Genki Kitsune: Demands don't work on me. The results happen the way they happen because it's the most likely outcome.

For the Japanese Illiterate: _hiragana_ is the simplest form of Japanese writing; _kanji_ is the complicated form of hiragana-- _kanji_ can represent one or more hiragana, depending on the symbol and placing of that symbol; _katakana_ is a Japanese form of writing used to spell out foreign words (i.e. the English word _heart would be written in katakana as __haato); __Seiten__ Taisei is what Goku is called in his demon form (Seiten Taisei Son Goku) and it roughly translates to Great Sage, Equal of Heaven (this title is derived from the original Chinese legend "Journey to the West"); _senbei_ is a sort of Japanese cracker (the author thinks they taste very good ^^)._

Sanzo leaned against the doorframe, not bothering to hide the slight upcurl of his lips, indicating a smirk. His violet eyes were trained calmly on the two stuffing their faces before him and the dark-haired priestess beside him. And from the looks of things, he was about to win the bet.

Of course, he didn't know what exactly he would be winning. He didn't care for this girl's money-- judging from their surroundings, they had landed in a completely different environment, and taking that into consideration the currency was more than likely to be much different from what was often used where he was from.

A vein popped out on his forehead. That Pluto woman had said there was going to be a great danger here. He had agreed to come down, but not to help fight. It wasn't any of his business until the enemy offended him personally. So if they ended up staying there any longer than necessary... scratch that, _any_ time here was unnecessary. But if they didn't get back soon, Sanzo was going to kill someone.

Whether it was going to be the annoying blonde or the annoying priestess, he hadn't quite decided yet.

"Your friend seems to be slowing down," he observed, his expression suddenly blank.

The raven-haired priestess frowned, but said nothing. She just watched, not seeming to realize she was about to bite one of her nails off. Sanzo allowed himself a satisfied smirk.

"Geez," he heard the priestess mutter beneath her breath. "How can he possibly eat so much?"

"Hmph."

She glared at him. "That wasn't a rhetorical question!"

Sanzo's hand itched to grab his gun; she was so annoyingly like Gojyo! He wouldn't have any qualms shooting a woman. An annoyance was an annoyance, and not even a priestess could escape his wrath. God forbid he ever have any morals.

"I suppose," Sanzo said through his teeth, "it's because he went five hundred years without eating, so he's making up for lost time."

She stared, one eyebrow twitching. Obviously she wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a joke or not. "I can't believe this. You're supposedly a high-ranking monk -- a _legendary_ high-ranking monk, a _Sanzo_ -- and you're making up such a ridiculous lie like that?!"

That was it. Sanzo whipped out the demon banishing gun. Demon or no, he could kill her with one shot. "Wanna try dying?" he asked, pressing the barrel to the priestess' forehead.

"..."

"Thought so," he said, returning the gun to its place beneath his robes.

_Some great priest Sanzo,_ thought Rei crossly as she folded her arms over her chest. Her eyes strayed to the blond monk, and her eyebrow twitched. _How can he possibly wear _leather_ under that?!_

While she was grousing over the impossible fact that this very _un_-monk-like man was the great Genjo Sanzo, Usagi sat back on her heels, watching Goku continue to eat in fascination. She'd never met someone that could eat as much as her, let alone more!

"How old _are_ you, anyway?" she asked the brunette. "Fourteen?"

He paused in his eating to glare at her, a partially eaten meat bun halfway to his mouth. "Eighteen."

Usagi stared. "But you're so short!" He was approximately her height, possible a couple inches taller.

Goku just shrugged, clearly not insulted, and took a large bite of the meat bun. "Mmm..."

"I win this bet," she heard a deep voice say. Usagi looked up to see Rei smoldering over something or another, glaring at the man who the boy in front of her had called Sanzo.

Usagi froze.

_What... what is this strange feeling?_ she wondered, staring down at her hands. Her stomach felt light; fluttery, as though she had just eaten a bunch of butterflies rather than food. _I haven't felt this since the last time I talked to Mamo-chan..._

Realization hit her like a brick-- a really hard, painful brick. Wait, no! This couldn't be right! She was in love with Mamoru; they had been destined to be together since the first life they had shared together! How could she possibly fall for someone else so quickly and with so little regard to her One True Love?

Of course, Usagi didn't realize that she had been hit with a disturbingly common disease called Out Of Character. The symptoms were drastic, but often ignored.

Or perhaps there had just been something in the food... whatever the case she was feeling dizzy and rather... lusty.

Jealousy coursed through her as she watched Rei shout at the blonde monk. Sanzo seemed to be ignoring her, his beautiful, lovely_, gorgeous_ violet eyes staring at the wall in exasperation. His fingers twitched so elegantly at his side. The vein on his forehead was swelling, and somehow it only added to his _ethereal _beauty.

Usagi knew she had to do something, anything, to gain his attention. And, of course, there was only one thing that guys loved most...

She fainted dead to the floor, crashing with a rather loud and ungraceful _thud!_

Goku looked up, startled. "Eh?"

"Usagi! What are you doing?!"

The blonde body on the floor twitched. One blue eye cracked open, trained on Sanzo, who was busy trying to light a cigarette. _Geez__,_ thought Usagi in irritation. _Didn't he notice at all?_

She sat up, smiling sweetly. "I'm fine," she said loudly. "I guess I'm just frailer than I thought." What was making these words fly from her mouth, she didn't know, but she did have enough sense left to realize that something was _seriously_ wrong with her. Unfortunately, her body seemed to be moving against her will, doing things she wouldn't normally do, saying things she wouldn't normally say.

Rei cocked a dark eyebrow, frowning. "Since when have you been known to random fainting spells?"

"Ch'," Sanzo muttered beside her. "Damned lighter..."

Rei turned to scold him for attempting to smoke in her temple... but then she, too, froze, awestruck with Sanzo's sudden appeal. Why hadn't she seen it _before_? His beautiful, gold-spun hair, his heavily lidded purple eyes only a few shades lighter than her own, the way his lips curved _so_ sensuously... Rei felt weak-kneed.

_Wait. What?_ she was asking inwardly, confused by the sudden onslaught of cheaply stitched romantic feelings. _But he's _rude_ and _horrible_ and he's the worst monk I've ever met...!_

And yet the squishy feeling in her belly made her hormones think, _But__ beautiful and sexy and dark and sensuous..._

"So, ah... Sanzo?" Usagi chirped, smiling all too sweetly. "What made you decide to be a monk?"

"..." The priest gave her an exasperated look before taking a long drag from his cigarette. He seemed to be muttering something beneath his breath.

_He must be shy,_ Usagi decided. _Or unsure about his feelings... yes, that's it..._

Before she could say anything else, however, Rei cut in. "Hey!" she cried, furious. "What do you think you're doing?!"

Usagi felt an unnatural surge of anger toward her best friend. "What _are_ you talking about?"

"Don't think you can hide behind that innocent act of yours, you little hussy!" Rei hissed. "I saw you making eyes at the great Genjo Sanzo! Stop it!"

The blonde girl flared. "You're just jealous that he likes me more than you!"

"Jealous?! Ha! Who'd be jealous over a stupid, ditzy, clumsy little wuss of a leader like you?!"

Sanzo gave both girls a long stare, wondering -- quite irritably -- where they were getting such stupid ideas. Liking one more than the other? He'd rather shoot them both so they'd shut the hell up.

He seriously considered that as the high-pitched voices rose to an ear-shattering volume. Truly, it was looking like a good idea...

"Oh, yeah?! Well, for your information, I've been hiding secret powers all this time!" Usagi shouted. "And my 'stupidity' is only an act! I'm actually _way_ smarter than Ami!"

Rei scoffed. "Maybe in a dream, you stupid rabbit! _I'm_ the one with hidden powers and a high IQ level!"

Sanzo fingered the gun beneath his robes, taking an especially long drag of his cigarette. He realized the cigarette was already dangerously close to burning his fingers, so he dropped it to the floor and stamped it out. Now, where was that pack again...?

"Weak? _Weak?!_ I'll show you weak, you traitor!" Usagi cried. "Come on, we'll fight!"

"Sounds good to me." Rei smirked. "And the winner gets Sanzo, deal?"

The vein in Sanzo's forehead pulsed to life again. "_What_?" he growled, his cigarettes forgotten.

Despite the apparent interest the girls had in him earlier, they completely ignored him now. "Deal," Usagi agreed. "But I'll definitely win."

"We'll see."

"..." Sanzo shook his head as they stormed out past him. Honestly, if _this_ was the kind of 'trouble' they were having, he was going to shoot that damned Guardian of Time. _Whoever heard of a timekeeper in a miniskirt anyway?_ he thought in distaste, pulling a second cigarette from the pack with his lips. He was about to try the lighter when he heard a small telltale noise behind him. Exasperated, he flicked the lighter. The moment the cigarette was lit, his free hand flew up; grasping the large paper fan he always kept in handy, and delivered a sound smack to the person that had attempted to tackle him.

"Ow!" a feminine voice cried after a thud resounded. Sanzo glanced down, staring blankly at the blonde girl. She pouted up at him, but then smiled. "I was just going to ask for a kiss for good luck, but I suppose kisses can wait until afterwards."

Sanzo rolled his eyes, watching Goku make an odd face at the blonde from the corner of his eye. Well, at least he wasn't the only one put off by her weird behavior.

"Usagi!" Rei shrieked, storming over. "How dare you! Only the winner gets to touch him!"

"Touch me and die."

Again, he was ignored. "Hmph. You're just jealous that he touched me first," Usagi said childishly, folding her arms beneath her breasts.

Rei's eyes narrowed. "That's it! I'm using the new transformation! I was going to go easy on you and kick your sorry butt without my awesome powers, but you're just _asking_ for it!"  
"Then I won't hold back either!"

Sanzo twitched.  
Rei threw her hand in the air, crying out some of the most ridiculous words Sanzo had ever heard. "Mars Über Shiny Ultra Sonic Power, MAKE UP!" In an overly dramatic transformation sequence -- full of flipping and winking and twirling and little flames that buzzed by Sanzo's head every few seconds -- she had gone from a fifteen year old modestly dressed priestess to a fifteen year old scantily clad warrior.

"I," she declared, "am the warrior goddess Ultimate Sailor Mars!"

Sanzo was wondering: if one of the fire sparks had landed on an unlit cigarette, would it have been enough to light one? A vaguely interesting idea, though he wasn't eager to try it anytime soon. No, a lighter worked just fine...

He heard Goku sigh in the background. "Geez," he whined. Sanzo looked over in time to see the slight brunette looking through the cupboards. "There's no more food..."

"Don't be stupid," Sanzo said flatly. "There has to be something."

Goku made a face. "Nothing that isn't in a box." He squinted at one of the small packages in his hand. "I can't even read the directions!" Which was only natural, considering they were from China and seemed to be expected to read modern Japanese. The _kanji was similar to the Chinese script, but Goku couldn't recognize the _hiragana_ and _katakana_ script. That, and the _kanji_ didn't flow properly for Chinese writing. It was a wonder they were even speaking Japanese, but a barrier as simple as __language certainly couldn't stop the wanderers (or in this case, victims) on the path of True Love._

At that very same moment, Usagi laughed. "Impressive, Rei, but not good enough," she said. "Watch a _true_ leader at work!" She threw her hand into the air dramatically. The broach that had been attached to her school uniform bow was clasped in her fingers. "Super Sparkly Moon Flash Power, MAKE UP!" Her transformation sequence was far more colourful, with flying hearts and rainbows and pink ribbons. Sanzo absently swatted at a heart that strayed too close.

In the end, the blonde girl was wearing a gaudy, too-frilly, too-colourful outfit similar to Ultimate Sailor Mars'. With her fingers in a slanted V-sign over her forehead, she triumphantly announced, "I am the Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon! In the name of my love, Genjo Sanzo, I shall punish you!"

Goku abandoned his fruitless search for immediately edible food in the priestess' small "kitchen" and wandered over to where the monk was standing. His hands were locked behind his head, one golden eye wide and the other squinted in his natural expression of disbelief. "What's going on?" he asked, as though he hadn't heard a word of what had been said earlier.

"Catfight," was Sanzo's reply. He obviously wasn't interested; he didn't look impressed to see Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon twirl a too-large rod in one hand and aim it at her supposed best friend. A flurry of pink hearts with white bird wings too tiny to logically provide any support darted out toward the fire warrior. Huffing, Ultimate Sailor Mars let loose a large burst of flames that burned the wings off the hearts, causing them to fall dead to the ground.

"... I'm hungry..."

Sanzo growled. On top of it all, he was whining _again_. "So go find something to eat!"

Goku shot him a sullen look. "Fine," he mumbled. "I'll just go wander around this place without anyone to keep me from getting lost."

Alarms went off in Sanzo's head; he wasn't so worried about the boy's getting lost as he was losing sight of him long enough for something drastic to happen. This place was horrid enough already, and if it drove Goku crazy it might somehow trigger his _Seiten__ Taisei powers. That was something Sanzo was _not_ eager to take care of._

"All right," he said, also seeing it as an excuse to escape the hormonal teenagers. "Let's go."

Goku grinned. "Yes!" he crowed, bouncing at Sanzo's heels as they passed the fighting warriors without giving them a second glance. "I want ramen, and meat buns, and _senbei_, and..."

"Shut _up_!"


	4. Part 4

**:: Misinterpretations ::**

_Gensomaden__ Saiyuki/Sailormoon_

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon, which rightfully belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. Nor do I own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: Minako+Hakkai, humorous/disturbing implied Mercury+Mars/Mercury+Moon

Warnings: language, bad monks, strange humor, purposeful OOCness, not to be taken entirely seriously, humorous yuri

Notes: It's a bit shorter than the other chapters, but I think it works. Beware sarcasm and **_massive_ Ami-OOC-ness.**

You people are _still worrying me…_

BloodyVixen: Look. This is **_NOT_** an Usagi-bashing fic. This is a _parody of the other SMcrossover fanfictions. Meaning _all_ of the senshi will be "bashed" in one way or another. Meaning only the Sanzo-ikkou will stay in-character._

Gee. That sounded familiar…

Dee-Chan: Not so much of the sanity as the common sense… which many of them clearly lack…

AnimaeChina: *grin* Ohh, you'll see…

For the Japanese Illiterate: _dango_ is the shortening of _odango_, a round food often used in the Japanese version of SM to describe Usagi's hairstyle; _youkai is the word used to describe demons in Saiyuki (on that note, Gojyo is half __youkai, Hakkai is human-turned-_youkai_, and Goku possesses _youkai_-like powers but is **not** a demon); __senshi is Japanese for warrior; _Bakuretsu___ Hunters-- translated as Sorcerer Hunters, an anime/manga; __fuku is Japanese for clothes; _Ranma___ ½-- another anime/manga._

A frown graced Ami's lips. For the past half hour Hakkai had been explaining how they had come here, and for about ten minutes of that half hour he had been telling her about their original surroundings. It was odd, because...

"That sounds like you're from ancient China," she mused.

"If that's what you call it," Hakkai agreed.

She was having an interesting time, at least. Out of the four that had come crashing down -- literally -- on Rei's temple, Hakkai seemed to be the politest-- and the sanest.

"But... your clothes look so..." She trailed off, searching for the right word and trying to ignore Minako's swooning to her right. "Well, not quite modern, but you certainly don't _look_ like you're from ancient China." Of course, for all they knew, these young men could be lying. Ami was suddenly suspicious.

"Ah... do they?" Hakkai glanced down at himself, and then shrugged. "I'm sure we look as odd to you as you do to us."

That was probably true...

Ami pulled out her computer. Where it came from one can't be sure, though it was likely stored in the same Hammer Space as Sanzo's fan. "Let me just do a quick scan," she murmured, her fingers flying over the miniature keyboard.

Hakkai seemed impressed with the handheld device. "Interesting..."

"Super Flying _Moon Discs_!"

The shout came so suddenly that Ami nearly dropped her computer. She managed to keep a hold of it, but in the next instant what looked to be a miniature heart spinning like a discus happened to fly astray and knock it from her hands. It clattered to the ground. It sounded as though something had snapped inside.

"..."

Hakkai, being the polite and helpful person that he was, picked it up and handed it back to the blue-haired teen. At that moment one of the keys decided to pop out and disappear into a crack on the cement floor.

Ami smiled kindly at Hakkai. "Please excuse me." She stood.

"Take your time," Hakkai responded.

The moment she was out of earshot, Minako pounced on him. At least, it felt like she did. Strange how she seemed to be able to do that when she was over a foot's distance from the older man. "Hi!" she said, a bit too eager and obvious. "I'm Aino Minako, I'm fifteen years old, and currently single! What's your name, age, and can you help me fix the single issue?"

Hakkai's smile seemed a bit _too_ polite right then.

He caught sight of Sanzo and Goku, who seemed to be trying to leave the temple. "Goku?" he called, trying to ignore the shoujo sparkles flying around and from Minako. "Where are you guys going?"

The smaller brunette paused and grinned in his direction. "To find food!"

Sanzo gave Hakkai a blank stare. "We'll be back as soon as possible. Try to stay sane, and keep your _youkai_ limiters on."

Hakkai watched them leave, mildly puzzled. He had more control over his demon self than Goku... so what was with the warning? A bad feeling of foreboding crept into his stomach, and the large, 3D hearts flying from behind Minako's head weren't helping to quell that feeling...

How Ami made it through the barrage of flying pink hearts and various balls of fire, she wasn't sure. Somehow she managed to remain unscathed as she approached her fighting friends.

"What _are_ you two doing?" she asked, her voice taking on the tone of someone ready to scold a small child.

"OW!" Ultimate Sailor Mars growled, rubbing her head. "That was cheap, you _dango_-for-brains!"

Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon glared. "It was not!"

"You can't beat on the enemy with your rod!"

"Oh yeah? Watch this!"

"_OW_!" Infuriated and slightly dizzy, Ultimate Sailor Mars whipped out a broom and delivered a few good whacks to her former-best-friend's head.

Ami stared, unable to believe that her friends were fighting... and so ridiculously, no less! "Excuse me--"

"Klutz!"

"Hussy!"

"Whiner!"

"Meanie!"

Ami sighed as she slowly began realizing the merits of Sanzo's infamous fan and gun (Hakkai had given her brief details on those) and wondered if there was possibly a peaceful way to settle this. _Probably not,_ she realized, wincing as Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon delivered a sound _thwack!_ to Ultimate Sailor Mars' head.

She felt irritation rising. Really, what _were_ they fighting over, anyway?

Her question was answered almost as soon as she had phrased it in her mind.

"Give it up already! The great Genjo Sanzo would never want a brat like you!"

The blue-haired warrior nearly did an uncharacteristic anime-drop. All of the ridiculous fighting and childish insults was over a _monk?_ And a violent, aloof, abusive monk at that, if what little she managed to pick up from his actions told at least a little bit of his personality.

"Ultimate Love Burns!" Ultimate Sailor Mars shrieked, sending a flurry of fiery shapes at Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon. Disturbingly enough, those shapes looked a lot like hearts, which were usually restricted to Minako and Usagi's attacks in the first place.

All of that aside, these attacks were the most uncreative and unrelated things Ami had ever heard! She felt something throb in her temple, and when she reached up to attempt to sooth the pain she realized the vein there was becoming prominent.

In fact she was feeling rather... short-tempered. Violent. This was unusual.

"_Excuse_ me," Ami tried again, her voice strained.

"You can't steal my copyrighted attack shapes!" Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon was screaming.

"I can too! It's in the name of love!"

"_CHEATER_!!"

"That's _enough_, damnit!"

The last word slipped past Ami's lips without thought. Ultimate Sailor Mars and Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon were so shocked that they actually fell backwards, as though the word itself has slapped them in the face. Part of Ami was horrified at the expletive she had uttered, but another part, a foreign part, was overriding her with disturbing influence.

"You two think you're so much better, just because I'm physically the weakest _senshi_, don't you?!" she was shouting. "You think you're smarter than me? Don't make me laugh! Your knowledge always has and always _will_ pale in comparison to mine! You're pathetic! You're weak excuses for warriors! You _suck_!"

If her conscience had been able to realize what she was doing, Ami would have fainted from the shock of what she was doing. What was going on?!

Ultimate Sailor Mars appeared baffled. "Ami?"

Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon was cowering behind the warrior of Mars, their earlier fight obviously forgotten. "Scary," she whimpered.

Ami had had enough, though. "It seems you two need to be taught a lesson," she said, unaware that she sounded like a whip-wielding dominatrix from _Bakuretsu__ Hunters_. She threw her hand into the air-- oddly enough the object she held wasn't her transformation pen, but her miniature computer.

"Mercury Techno Power, MAKE UP!"

After an elongated, particularly voltage-filled transformation sequence that is normally reserved for Jupiter's sequences, a new Sailor Mercury stood before them. Her outfit was vastly different from before. Compared to her new attire, the normal _senshi fuku_ was modest. However, the biggest change was...

"I am Super-Smart Sailor Mercury," she said in a sickeningly strong and seductive voice. "In the name of Mercury, I shall _punish_ you two for being so naughty!"

Rei raised an eyebrow, managing to look significantly worried at the same time. "Ami's become a porn star," she mumbled.

It wasn't far from the truth. With her sudden change of voice and rapid burst of breast growth (and really, she should have fallen over from the extra pounds she had gained so quickly in front) and disturbing new vocabulary, Super-Smart Sailor Mercury would have fit right into a hardcore bondage movie.

Ami let out a sudden high-pitched laugh at the look on her friends' faces. "Ohohoho!" she cried, pulling a long, thin whip from the depths of cyber space. "Time for your _punishment_!"

Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon emitted a loud squeal of fear before she turned and ran. Ultimate Sailor Mars swore and followed suit, desperate to escape the wrath of their formerly meek and shy friend. Super-Smart Sailor Mercury was skipping after them and cackling, looking very much as though she'd spent too much time reading _Ranma__ 1/2_ manga and imitating Kuno Kodachi.

Elsewhere, at the Time gates, Pluto was busy plotting the next big twist to come. After all, she was _only_ a guardian of time; it wasn't like she had a job to do...


	5. Part 5

**:: Misinterpretations ::**

_Gensomaden__ Saiyuki/Sailormoon_

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon, which rightfully belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. Nor do I own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: Minako+Hakkai, Minako+Kougaiji, Mercury+everyone, Gojyo+anything female

Warnings: language, bad monks, strange humor, purposeful OOCness, not to be taken entirely seriously

Notes: Sorry for the long update. The Saiyuki fandom is starting to swallow me alive. There are almost as many badfics there as there are here, and that's saying something. -.-

*cough* Anyway… Destiny's Light, your review made me grin, because I _am hoping to at least throw in some huge hints toward the first pairing you mentioned—though I have no intentions of writing the second. Call it a squick, if you must…_

Anyway.

For the Japanese Illiterate: _soba_ is a type of Japanese noodle; _"Yare yare, desu ne"_ is what Hakkai says that is equivalent to an exasperated sigh.

"_Ohohoho__~!_"

The high-pitched, maniacal laughter startled Gojyo and Makoto from their deeply engrossing conversation-- contest of compliments was more like it, actually. Makoto was blushing furiously by that point, and Gojyo seemed to be enjoying himself immensely before the laughter and terrified screams brought them back to outside reality.

"What the f--" Gojyo started.

Thankfully, his profanity was cut off by Makoto's louder, "What in the world is Ami _wearing_?!"

One of Gojyo's crimson eyebrows rose as he saw the shy girl that had been talking to Hakkai skipping around the temple, chasing after two girls in rather strange but cute mini-skirted outfits. _Well, she certainly doesn't look shy anymore,_ he thought, allowing his eyes to linger a bit longer than necessary.

"Is that behavior... ah... normal?" he asked the brunette beside him.

Makoto slowly shook her head. "No... I honestly have no idea what's going on. Ami isn't even the dominatrix _type_..." Makoto's green eyes narrowed. "That's odd..."

"Hm?" Gojyo didn't remove his eyes from the stunningly sexy blue-haired girl, wondering at the change that had come over her.

"Her... proportions... are much different."

_They sure as hell are!_ However, Gojyo had enough sense not to say so in front of Makoto, so he simply shrugged.

Clearly the three girls' behavior was beginning to disconcert Makoto, especially when Ami cried for the world to hear, "_DO NOT RUN FROM YOUR **PUNISHMENT**!_ Be good girls and _come to me!_" This exclamation was followed by more maniacal laughter.

"Y'know, even _I_ can see there's something seriously wrong with that," Gojyo remarked. "And I don't know her."

"Oh, you have no idea," Makoto groaned, pressing two long fingers to her temple. "What am I going to do? I'd hate to have to beat them to their senses..."

"Ah, that's right; you're a martial artist, aren't you?" As always, Gojyo couldn't resist the opportunity to flirt. "It shows in the way you keep your body so well-toned."

Makoto blushed furiously, but couldn't hide her pleased grin. "In any case," she said quickly, obviously trying to hide her embarrassment. "I need to figure out a way to stop them. Hm..."

Elsewhere, Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon and Ultimate Sailor Mars had ducked into a broom closet, pressed close together as they tried to keep away from the door, as though suspecting Super-Smart Sailor Mercury would find them if they were too close to it. "Hey, Rei," Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon whimpered.

"Yeah?" the dark-haired girl whispered, her voice barely heard because of her fright.

"If we live through this, I swear you can have Sanzo..."

"No way, are you nuts?! I don't want a rude monk like him!"

"Oh. Why the change of heart?" the pig-tailed blonde inquired, puzzled.

Ultimate Sailor Mars waved a hand, saying in hushed tones, "Can't explain it. I was destined for someone else..."

"Eh?" Clearly Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon had no idea what her friend was talking about. Which was only natural, as it had nothing to do with anything at the moment...

Suddenly the closet door was thrown open. The too-large-breasted Super-Smart Sailor Mercury towered over them, despite the fact she was barely Ultimate Sailor Mars' height and only a few centimeters taller than Everlasting Princess Sailor Moon. Her blue eyes gleamed wickedly.

"I've _found_ you, my pretties!"

Both girls screamed and scrambled for escape. They ended up running straight into opposite walls and falling down, unconscious. Laughing in a very loud, out-of-character manner, Super-Smart Sailor Mercury hogtied both girls and dragged them back outside.

Gojyo watched Makoto sweatdrop at the sight. "What in the _world_...?"

Gojyo couldn't help but be amused. "I wonder what they're being punished for?"

Super-Smart Sailor Mercury used her super-heightened hearing to listen to his question. She spun on one heel, one hand coming up to her mouth as she cackled in a villainous way. "They were fighting over that bad, bad priest! Therefore, they shall be punished in the most _awfulest_ of ways!"

Makoto seemed to shrink in disbelief. "Awfulest?" she repeated. "Since when did Ami have such poor grammar?"

Gojyo was too busy checking the newly transformed young women to ask what she meant by that. _Pity,_ he thought. _I only sleep with legal-aged women..._

Super-Smart Sailor Mercury seemed to have lost all sense of dignity she had once possessed. She strutted up to Gojyo, flashing a sly smile that looked very much out of place on her sweet, almost sad-looking features. "What about you, sexy?" she purred, tracing her gloved fingers over his chest. "Would you like to be tied up and used, too?"

Gojyo could see Makoto's horrified expression from the corner of his eye. He smirked, catching the blue haired girl's hand. "Tempting," he admitted.

Makoto appeared to be twitching.

"But I only sleep with women that are of legal age," he finished, pushing her hand away.

For some reason, Makoto didn't look any happier.

Super-Smart Sailor Mercury huffed. "Well, fine! I'll just make myself older!" She snapped her fingers, and two seconds later she was four years older, a few pounds heavier, some centimeters taller, and her breasts looked _far_ to big to be considered normal.

Well, that certainly changed things! But admittedly, Gojyo was picky about women-- and cigarettes, for that matter. "Even more tempting, but--"

"Oh, _no_, you don't!" Makoto hissed, pushing past him to glare at Super-Smart Sailor Mercury. "He's mine! I've staked all claims!"

Gojyo sighed and took a step back, fishing out his pack of cigarettes. It had been way too long since he'd last inhaled some nice nicotine. Damned chain smoker in him...

"Gojyo..."

The slightly choked voice of his companion made the half-demon turn. He nearly facefaulted at the sight of Hakkai attempting to limp his way, with a hyper-active blonde clinging to his leg, hearts beating in her eyes and flying around her head.

"Uh... need some help there, Hakkai?" he asked, trying to settle for a neutral face. He wasn't too successful.

"No, no," the brunette declined politely. "I'm quite fine, for now... however..."

"Yeah?"

Hakkai's smile seemed strained. "If we stay here much longer, I'm afraid you'll want to run far, far away... I'm not sure how much longer I can keep my temper in check."

Gojyo arched an eyebrow. If _Hakkai_ was concerned about losing control, then there was definitely something to be worried about. "Well, if there was a way to contact that Pluto chick--"

"Pluto?" The blonde clinging to Hakkai blinked at the name. "I know her. What do you need her for?"

"To get out of this damned crazy place," Gojyo replied bluntly.

A cry of despair cut through and a moment later Super-Smart Sailor Mercury was clinging to Hakkai. "No!" she pleaded, her large blue eyes shining with unnaturally bright tears. "I'm sorry! The one I truly loved all this time was you! Don't leave me!"

"You are _quite_ the ladies' man, aren't you?" Gojyo asked his friend, amused.

"It would seem so, unfortunately..."

Makoto growled from behind Gojyo, electricity crackling around her body. "That's it," she snapped. "I'm taking you out!"

Hakkai appeared puzzled. "What is she so upset over?"

"You know, I'm really not sure anymore..." Gojyo mused.

Super-Smart Sailor Mercury whirled away from Hakkai, glaring. "Bring it on, weakling!"

Makoto's green eyes sparked. No one called _her_ weak and got away with it, not while she was out-of-character!

She spread her legs apart, thrusting her arm into the air. "Jupiter Super-Spaz Transformation, MAKE UP!" she cried, not seeming to care that she had broken tradition by not adding the word _power_ into her new transformation call. There was a tattoo of hardcore music, an ominous darkening of the sky, a bolt of lightening, and an explosion of sparkles.

She posed, taking on the stance of a _karate_ master. "Come and get me," she growled, her eyes glinting at her blue-haired friend.

Super-Smart Sailor Mercury began to cackle. "How foolish! You forgot to name yourself, you slutty hussy!"

Gojyo sweatdropped. _Exactly _who_ is she calling a slut...?_

The brunette girl smirked. "I am Mega-Voltage Sailor Jupiter! _Come at me!_"

Elsewhere, a few blocks away, Sanzo was sitting at a diner table, his nose buried in an ancient Chinese newspaper. Thankfully, it hadn't fallen out on their way to this strange new place.

A clap of thunder made him look up in time to see the sky darken briefly before going back to its normal sunny blue colour. He twitched. "The hell?" he muttered.

"Huh?" Goku glanced up from his sixth bowl of chicken curry and _soba_ noodles. "What's wrong, Sanzo?" he asked around his food.

The blonde priest glared. "Shut up and eat!" Like hell he wanted to find out any more than he had to about his weird place.

Goku shrugged and went back to his chicken curry.

Gojyo shook his head. It was a pity these girls were clinically insane; they were awfully attractive for young ladies. "So when should we make our escape?" he asked, the question directed to Hakkai.

The brunette put a finger to his lips, seeming to seriously consider the question. "Well..."

"_Sanzo-ikkou_!"

Both young men started at the new male voice, turning to find a certain red-haired demon glaring furiously at them.

Hakkai smiled. "Actually, it's just Gojyo and I right now."

"Whatever!" the demon exploded, storming forward. "Explain this! Now!"

"How the hell did you get here?" Gojyo asked, chewing on the butt of his cigarette and clearly ignoring the demon's question.

Purple eyes narrowed at him. "I was brought by some weird green-haired lady. She said it was the will of my mother-- which is _bullshit_!" he shouted up at the sky, as though the strange woman he had mentioned would be able to hear him. "She dumped me here and told me to become a fifth member of your party!"

"Oh, my," said Hakkai mildly. "I don't think Sanzo would very much like that."

The demon shot him an exasperated look. "Like hell I'd join you voluntarily, anyway."

"Who are you?" the blonde intent on growing onto Hakkai asked, staring up at the newcomer with intense curiosity. _Ohhh__, he's so cute..._ Remembering Hakkai, she squeezed his leg harder. _Not as cute as Hakkai, though!_

The demon stared back at her, incredulous. "Who are _you_?" he shot back, taking a step backwards.

"_KOUGAIJI_!"

The voice exploded from the temple's entrance, where everyone turned to find Goku and Sanzo. Goku's golden eyes were wide and gleaming with excitement; Sanzo looked irritated enough to kill.

The new demon known as Kougaiji smirked faintly. "Monkey," he returned.

Gojyo rolled his bright red eyes to the sky, smirking faintly; he was half amused and half annoyed. "Children and teenagers have such one-track minds..."

Hakkai sighed. "_Yare yare, desu ne..._"


	6. Part 6

**:: Misinterpretations ::**

_Gensomaden__ Saiyuki/Sailormoon_

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon, which rightfully belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. Nor do I own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: PG

Pairings: Minako+Hakkai, Minako+Kougaiji, Makoto+Gojyo, hinted Sanzo/Goku

Warnings: language, bad monks, strange humor, purposeful OOCness, not to be taken entirely seriously

Notes: Sorry it took so long to update. ^^; have been busy in the Saiyuki section. It needs to be saved just as much as this one does; really.

But I have another part. Enjoy.

Currently, Aino Minako was facing the biggest dilemma of her life. The situation could go two ways, and though she _thought_ she had been certain of what she wanted before, she had just now been struck with the worst realization that she was stuck.

So who to choose... Hakkai or Kougaiji?

_Ohh__, this is bad,_ she thought miserably. _I'm sure both of them would _love_ to go out with me, but what good will it do if I can't choose?_

She didn't seem to notice that Kougaiji was currently fighting with Goku -- only the gods knew why they would choose to do _that_ even in the situation they were in -- and Hakkai was attempting to pry her off his leg.

Her arms tightened around him without conscious thought. _They're both incredibly cute..._

"Miss, I kindly request that you let go of me."

The strained voice went right over her head. _Hakkai has the very sweet look to him..._

There was a metallic click, and a hurried, "Now, Sanzo, I'm sure _that_ won't be necessary..."

Minako took no notice of the gun Sanzo had pulled out. _But Kougaiji has that sexy 'bad boy' look..._

"Try telling her you're gay. Maybe that'll work."

"_Yare, yare_..."

For a split second her eyes refocused, but another thought distracted her and made her forget whatever it was that had just stolen her attention. She dimly took note of the loud gunshot that pierced the air, and that the loud shouts, curses, and taunts that had come with Kougaiji and Goku's fighting ceased almost instantly. _Ohh__, this is just way too hard..._

While she continued to ponder, Hakkai finally noted -- with immense relief -- that she was slowly loosening her hold on him. Once he felt blood circulating through his foot again, he gently stepped aside. She continued to stare blankly at the nearest wall. His smile was stressed.

"Well, this certainly complicates things," he said quietly to Gojyo.

The red-haired half demon was smoking; he had been watching Super-Smart Sailor Mercury bouncing around like an out of proportion female game character, saying random nonsense and speaking in gradually less comprehensible French. Now his attention was fully on Hakkai; clearly she hadn't been too much of a great distraction. "What?"

Hakkai tapped his chin. "If we try to leave, they may become so desperate to follow that we'll... somehow end up taking them back with us."

Gojyo grimaced. That wasn't a promising thought. "So we'll have to do something about them before we leave. Do you think this was the evil that Pluto chick was talking about?"

Hakkai chuckled. It sounded more forced than usual, which sent cold chills down Gojyo's spine. "Somehow, I don't think so."

On the floor, Minako was becoming quickly frustrated. _It would be even worse if, for some reason, _neither_ of them wanted to date me..._ That was a frightening concept. As though she had the worst luck with guys from her own world!

At the Time Gates, Pluto quickly jotted down, _give them all a love interest and a happy ending_ on the magical notepad she used to write down her ideas. She underlined the word "all" three times in heavy black ink. This was the reason she had brought Kougaiji, after all. Sure he was the Sanzo-ikkou's enemy, but he was hot and made it so that all five girls could have a boyfriend.

And the Time she was supposed to be Guarding? If there were any flaws, she was too busy paying attention to meager love lives to notice.

"Sa~n_zo_, I'm gonna starve to death..."

The corrupted priest made no move to show he had heard Goku's complaint. When he did, all he said was, "It's because you got into another damned fight, _bakazaru_," all the while keeping his eyes on the newspaper he never seemed to tire reading.

"I was bored," the brunette whined. He glanced at Kougaiji's prone form, frowning. "Did you have to beat him with the paper fan, too? You're not supposed to do that to him..." Sanzo had snapped, deciding to hit the demon prince over the head until he was either unconscious or dead. If Kougaiji was lucky, it was the former.

"Ch'. Says who?" Sanzo snapped, still scanning an article near the center of the paper.

Goku shrugged, giving up conversation for the moment. His golden eyes briefly followed Super-Smart Sailor Mercury and Mega-Voltage Sailor Jupiter's so-called "fight." He grew bored quickly-- and quite understandably. "I'm _so_ hungry..."

"_God_," Sanzo muttered in disgust. "Sometimes I wonder why you didn't eat yourself up in that damned cave."

Silence.

When Goku spoke again, his voice was oddly serious. "Do you regret saving me, Sanzo?" He did that sometimes; he got unnaturally solemn whenever Mount Gogyo was mentioned.

Sanzo lowered the paper, staring straight into his charge's eyes. "I did save you, didn't I? I'm your master now. I'm in charge of and responsible for your life. You belong to me."

Goku's immediate reaction was to boggle at the monk, whose expression remained eerily set. Goku felt his eyebrow twitching occasionally as he wondered if Sanzo had finally lost it.

"... Sanzo, did you catch that disease from the crazy girls?" The boy was perfectly serious and perfectly worried. If Sanzo wasn't immune to the weird illness that the other girls had, then there was no hope for the rest of them.

Once again, silence. The tension was very thick. For some unexplainable reason, Goku felt his face redden.

Suddenly, Sanzo scowled and whipped his paper fan from nowhere yet again, beating the monkey child over the head. "_Bakazaru_! It's because you're a monkey! A damned, stupid pet monkey!"

"Ow! Ow! Okay, I get it! OW!"

Minako suddenly jumped to her feet. "_Agh_!" she cried, pulling her hair in sheer frustration. "That's it, I can't take it anymore!"

When she realized no one had heard her outburst, she puffed her cheeks, stormed over to where Hakkai and Gojyo were currently trying to plot their safe escape, and proceeded to scream, "I said, _I can't take it anymore_!"

Both young men paused to glance at her. "Oh. So you've become sane?" Gojyo asked.

"Gojyo-_san_, please be more subtle when you call someone crazy," Hakkai said calmly. He received an arched eyebrow in response.

Minako ignored the barb. "Since I can't choose between Hakkai and Kougaiji--"

"That reminds me, where is Prince Charming?" Gojyo said suddenly, obviously eager to talk about anything but a teenage girl's trite problems.

Once again, he was ignored. Minako appeared not to have heard him. "--I've decided that I'm going to change my whole lifestyle." Her statement was met with blank stares. Annoyed, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and placed her hands over her heart. "I've decided to take after my idol. I'm going to live a life of purity, chastity, and pure holiness."

Gojyo exchanged a half amused, half worried look with Hakkai. "She can't possibly mean..."

"Well, everyone else usually does," Hakkai said, the beginnings of a sweatdrop forming on the back of his head.

Minako turned to where Sanzo and Goku were sitting. Oblivious to the obvious No Touchy vibes Sanzo was radiating -- and really, only Rei was perceptible to such vibes when she was in character -- and unaware that only Goku should have been immune to those vibes, she ran forth, fell to her knees, and prostrated herself at the monk's feet. "Sanzo-sama! I wish to become a nun! I will follow your teachings loyally!"

"You can't be a nun in Buddhist religion. Get lost," Sanzo said flatly, hardly giving her a glance.

Before Minako could say anything in response -- and amidst Goku's snickers -- there was a sudden cry of, "_Mercury's Ice Sheet Thingy!_" A cold wind, a horrible chill... and then the entire floor of the temple had been iced. Mega-Voltage Sailor Jupiter, who had jumped to avoid the blast, came down, landed, slipped, and fell backwards.

"Agh! Ami, you stupid _bitch_!" she screamed.

"_Ohohohoho__~!_"

Mega-Voltage Sailor Jupiter snarled and scrambled to get to her feet. Because she was out-of-character, she lost all grace and skill of ice skating and proceeded to slip and fall down again. She cried out, glanced down, and stopped suddenly, staring at her hand in sheer horror. "I... I..."

Goku, who was desperately trying to get to his feet, fell to his knees and somehow started sliding across the floor. "What happened?" he asked as he skidded by Mega-Voltage Sailor Jupiter. He asked more out of curiosity than concern, though Jupiter had no troubles mistaking it for the latter.

She began to shriek incomprehensibly, finally managing to right herself and stand on wobbly knees. "I _broke a nail_!" she cried. "Ami! Do you realize how many hours I poured into painting my nails?!" All she got in response was a deranged cackle and the sound of a whip cracking.

Gojyo, who had luckily found a stand to grab a hold of to keep from slipping, gave the girl an odd look. _But... she wasn't wearing nail polish when I talked to her earlier..._

Still fuming, Mega-Voltage Sailor Jupiter said, "I am _so_ going to make you pay for a new manicure, Ami!"

"Ohh, such naughty threats!" Super-Smart Sailor Mercury cackled. "You will most _definitely_ be punished!"

Growling, Mega-Voltage Sailor Jupiter somehow managed to slide her way closer to the disturbingly-proportioned soldier of Mercury. "This is for my nail!" she cried, swinging viciously at the blue-haired girl. "And this is for touching my man!"

Super-Smart Sailor Mercury shrieked as her whip was knocked out of her hand. "_Bad girl_!" she cried. "I'll punish you!"

"Buy me a manicure!"

"Don't _make_ me call in my pimp!"

Goku gave up both on trying to understand what the weird girls were shouting about and on standing and allowed the ice to carry him across the temple grounds. He briefly hoped that Sanzo would be all right on his own. Those girls _were_ weird, and if Sanzo caught their sickness he'd definitely blame Goku for it. Somehow. And even if he didn't, he'd take his anger out on him with the paper fan.

When he came to a stop, Goku found himself blinking down at the unconscious faces of the two girls that had been fighting over Sanzo earlier. He was directly over the one with dark hair. _I wonder how they'd react if they knew Sanzo can barely stand women?_ he mused.

"Aaah..." The sudden groan made him start. Goku realized the dark-haired girl was stirring. "Headache..."

Goku stared at her, his face twisted in his usual confused expression; one eye slightly narrowed and the other wider than usual. _Maybe she's having side effects of the disease?_

Violet eyes opened and stared up at him. Goku stared back, blinking every so often, vaguely disturbed that she didn't blink at all. He didn't realize that the girl was growing misty-eyed, because all he could think was that her eyes were twice as big as his own, that scared him, and that he liked the shade of Sanzo's eyes a lot better. At least he didn't look possessed.

"My love," the dark-haired girl whispered.

Goku started to edge away nervously. "What?"

Without warning, she flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around him. "I knew it! I was destined for _you_, not Sanzo! I've finally found you!"

Goku froze, stricken by her words. After a good few seconds passed, he gave a terrified shout and struggled to push the girl off. "Ack! No, don't touch me! I'll get sick! _Sanzo_!"


End file.
